To Thine Own Self Be True and Other Crap

For those of you who actually have a life, you probably don’t realize today is “Talk like Shakespeare Day.” Unless you recently moved here from Mars, you probably know who Shakespeare is. He’s the guy who talks really weird. You know, stuff like ‘Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?’ What the heck?! Any normal woman wouldn’t say something that inane to her man. Instead she’d yell, ‘get your butt down here Romeo and put a ring on this finger or else!’

If that quote wasn’t nonsensical enough, then Shakespeare rattled on about, ‘And now is the winter of our discontent.’ I can tell you from first hand experience no Minnesotan would ever talk about winter like that. And no one knows winter like we do. We normal Minnesota people talk about winter like this, ‘Lena it’s so cold outside that my lefse has goosebumps.’

In Hamlet somebody said, ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks.’ Well, in response I’d like to say, ‘methinks you’re an idiot!’ Not only methinks you’re an idiot but ‘wethinks you’re an idiot!’

And then there’s his ridiculous quote from Hamlet about the rose. ‘What’s in a name? A rose by any name would smell as sweet.’ Methinks if a rose was called by the name skunk weed it would stink!

I think I’ve found my new favorite word–methinks. Methinks I need a beer. Methinks pizza is good. Methinks my golf game needs help. Methinks I was robbed and deserved an ‘A’ in 9th grade English class! Methinks Shakespeare skipped English composition class!

And let’s not forget his quote from The Merry Wives of Windsor, ‘I cannot tell what the dickens his name is.’ Methinks I can help you out on this one buddy. It’s Charles!! (Mehopes you all figured that joke out because methinks you had great expectations!) Actually, at this point methinks your expectations are actually quite low.

While Shakespeare isn’t here to say it himself, methinks he doth hope your lefse doesn’t have goosebumps!


Quirky author, frustrated golfer, pouter extraordinaire

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